5 Ways to Respark Your Sex Life
If you and your partner are experiencing a lull in your sexual relationship, use these tips to bring novelty to your sex life. Research shows people need novelty in sex to remain engaged and satisfied in their sexual relationships.
What is novelty?
Novelty is simply newness, and in the context of relationships, that can be many things. It can be a new restaurant; new dates to go on; new ways of connecting with each other–the list goes on. But in this post, I’m going to discuss ways novelty–specifically in sex–can help bring back a spark in your sexual relationship.
📌 1. Use a card deck
Card decks can be a fun activity giving you ideas of things to try or talk about. Some card decks are specifically designed to give you ideas of sexual activities (such as experimenting with ice cubes) but some are questions about sex-related topics to ask each other. Both can be a fun experience but card decks with questions can lead to emotional intimacy and learning more about each others wants.
Recommended: On the app store, download “Gottman Card Decks” (free app) to use the card decks.
📌 2. Schedule your dates
It might seem strange to imagine that scheduling anything can bring more novelty. Wouldn’t spontaneity be more novel? It’s more common, in long-term relationships especially, that building intimacy can get lost in our list of priorities. After all, we have careers, family, friendships, socializing, our hobbies, etc. to keep up with. But scheduling regular fun dates, especially when we plan unique things to do, can help keep us accountable and motivated to doing novel things. Be creative to your needs. These dates can be opportunities to connect intimately and hopefully lead to more connection in the bedroom (or out of the bedroom, if you’re into that).
Recommended: Do a “date idea jar.” Collaboratively write date ideas of places to go, restaurants to try, activities to do, and pull ideas as needed.
📌 3. Share your fantasies with each other
Sometimes we have fantasies that we have shame about, and we may struggle to imagine sharing this with anyone. But if we can be open and honest about what turns us on, it can translate to the kind of sex we only dream about. Begin by creating an environment of nonjudgement and open-mindedness. Consider starting the conversation with a gentle startup such as, “I’d like us to talk about our sexual fantasies. I’ll be honest and say I’m feeling anxious to share mine because I have a bit of shame about it, but I’d appreciate it if you were open-minded.” If you’re partner is into it, great! But your partner may not be interested in fulfilling your fantasy–and that’s okay. Consent is important and we can’t expect our partners to do everything we want 100% of the time. Sharing our fantasies alone can build deeper bonds.
Recommended: Have an honest conversation with each other about your fantasies. If you’d like more support in discussing fantasies with your partner, consider connecting with a therapist.
📌 4. Visit a sex shop or peruse through a website together
I encourage you to do this activity together. It helps each partner have a voice on the items they may find interesting. Some may find it intimidating to go to a sex shop in-person. That’s okay! Find time in which you can sit down and peruse through a website together. Note: not all people will find this activity arousing or exciting. That’s okay, too. Start by having a conversation with your partner to find out if this is something they’d be interested in. This activity, while exciting in and of itself, can also connect you with toys, furniture, clothing, etc.—other novel items to consider trying.
Recommended: Start a conversation with your partner to gauge interest. Search for adult stores near you. Find a shop online you’d enjoy!
📌 5. Create a “Sex Menu”
A sex menu is a list of sexual activities used to inspire and give ideas on potential sexual activities to try with your partner. There are a ton of lists online, and I’ll recommend a few at the end of this paragraph. Print a copy of this list for each person; choose the activities you’d be interested in trying; and create a “menu” or a combined list of the activities you both agree to try. Use this menu for times in which you want to try something novel during sex.
Recommended: Visit these sites to find lists online and see which you like
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/yes_no_maybe_so_a_sexual_inventory_stocklist
https://sunnymegatron.com/consent-sexual-boundaries-yesnomaybe/
I hope this list was helpful in finding novel activities/moments for your sexual relationship. Share this post with your partner and begin discussing tips you want to try!
