The Tortoise and Hare in Relationships

Here is one of the top reasons why many couples struggle in couples therapy. I’ve been a couples therapist for many years and have witnessed this issue many times over. 

In couples therapy, there tends to be two kinds of clients in the room: the tortoise and the hare.

The tortoise and the hare is a classic fable about two animals running a race. The characters who are used here to explain the difference in processing speeds between each partner. Knowing which character you are can help you make necessary adjustments to your couples therapy experience to increase communication, understanding, and emotional connection. No one is better than the other, but it’s beneficial to know which direction you lean to help couples communicate and understand each other.

Your relationship may have a Tortoise and Hare. Or your relationship might have two Hares. Or two Tortoises. Any of those combinations is possible and colors the way you communicate and understand each other. In relationships (and couples therapy), partners may feel frustrated and aggravated with each other — not understanding the different ways they communicate.

And as most things in this world, you are on a spectrum. No one person is 100% tortoise nor 100% hare all of the time. You may lean one way or another, but there may be days where your processing is different–either because you’re tired, wired, sad, mad, etc. But knowing whether you’re more of a tortoise or a hare can help explain why you understand and communicate with each other differently. And from there, we can learn the skills necessary to meet each other in the middle.

Which one do you relate to more? The Tortoise? Or the Hare?

We hope this was helpful to you in learning about the different ways partners process in relationships and the therapy room. If you are interested in working with us at Belonging Counseling, reach out here.