Do We Need Couples Therapy?
You may be in a relationship and asking yourself, do we need couples therapy? I hear this question a lot from all kinds of folx. So, how do you know if you need couples therapy? From me, the short answer is … yes. Why? 1) Because you asked and 2) because in any relationship, there will always be a bias. Your bias and your partner's bias. I’m biased as a couples therapist, so I typically recommend people to experience couples therapy. 😉 Here’s why.
If You’re Curious About Couples Therapy
The fact that you are asking whether you would benefit from couples therapy means there is something about your relationship you’re curious about. Maybe it’s something you want to address or change about your relationship with the presence of a third party couples specialist.
It’s okay to be curious about couples therapy. There is some stigma around couples therapy that your relationship is doomed by the time you arrive at couples therapy. This is not necessarily true. While there are some relationships that begin therapy already decided they want to split but need help in discussing it — that is not the majority of the couples I’ve seen. Most of the couples I see are folx who very much want to stay in their relationship but need help navigating the stressors of life.
If you are unsure about whether you want to stay in your relationship, there’s a very specific type of couples therapy for you! It’s called discernment counseling. Discernment counseling is not one of our specialties at Belonging Counseling at this time, but hopefully knowing the term can help you search for a therapist who does! At Belonging Counseling, we specialize working with couples who want help exploring or creating change in their relationship.
If You Want Change in Your Relationship
Perhaps you want to change something about the dynamic of your relationship. Maybe it’s the way y’all argue or the lack of repair after the argument. Maybe it’s a complication with your partner’s family or a stressful situation impacting your relationship. Maybe one of both of you struggle with vulnerability and don’t know how to start being open and trusting. It’s okay to feel unsure about what you want to change—this is part of what can be explored in couples therapy.
It’s also okay for one partner to feel unsure about couples therapy. The goal is to address an issue and create change in order to feel more satisfied and present in your relationship. But it is entirely your job to show up! If you can show up, then it’s on all of us to create an environment of open communication one that includes and validates you feeling unsure!
Change is not something that can be forced upon. It’s something you have to want for yourself. But in the context of couple therapy, we can explore what kind of change either partner is looking for and what that can look like in your relationship. Further down the line, a couples therapist can also help you stay accountable to the changes you agree upon as a couple.
“It takes two people to create a pattern, but only one to change it.”
- Esther Perel
What to Expect in Couples Therapy
Couples therapy starts with assessment. We take inventory of your family history, relationship history, personal health measures, and other factors to get a “bigger picture” of you. We also assess strengths and areas for growth in your relationship as a whole. We then discuss this as a team and create goals from these findings.
As your couples therapist, I understand both sides have their unique perspectives and biases; therefore, I do not take sides and I do not keep secrets. Instead, I encourage the couple to wade through the feelings of discomfort to have hard conversations in an understanding and empathetic way — all with the support of an expert in relationship dynamics. There are no bigger experts of your relationship than the two of you. All together, we’ll make a three person team of experts to confront the trials and tribulations of life.
We hope this information has been helpful in your deliberation of couples therapy. The idea of couples therapy can be intimidating, especially bringing up the idea to a partner. But rest assured, it is our mission to create an environment of understanding, acceptance, and nonjudgement for you and your partner. Schedule a free 20 min. consultation with us to see if we would be a good fit!
