7 Things that Contribute to Self-Esteem / Confidence Issues

• Negative childhood experiences

The experiences we have in our childhoods develop into core beliefs we have about ourselves. Examples include: bullying, separated/divorced parents, unhealthy family dynamics, substance use in the family, witnessing abuse/violence, etc. These experiences can be traumatic, but don’t necessarily have to be to impact our self-esteem/confidence.

• The “-isms” and systemic issues

“-isms” in this context refer to racism, sexism, ableism, classism, etc. including homophobia.  Discrimination and negative perceptions of our very identities have an impact on our mental health and sense of self-worth. And systemically, people might confront walls and setbacks without explanation to why and may be inclined to turn blame and disapproval to oneself. 

• Trauma or stressful life events

Traumas are life-altering experiences in many ways but can end up shaking our sense of self, worth, confidence, and security to face challenges. And what people define as traumatic varies person to person. Traumatic experiences can make it difficult for us to integrate our experiences and identity and make it hard to stand our ground in who we are.

• Disapproving or disengaged parents/caregivers

When our parents or caregivers provide continuous criticism about anything from our looks, achievements, behavior, or choices, it can contribute to our feelings of worthlessness. Their continuous disapproval corrodes our feelings and beliefs of self-worth. Children (and even into adulthood) need developmentally-appropriate encouragement, support, and positive feedback to develop a strong sense of self and security to face challenges. 

• Critical & disapproving authority figures

This one works in the same vein as disapproving and/or disengaged parents/caregivers. However, it extends to other adults in our lives who hold power and authority in our community or our lives. We may see these figures as the keepers of knowledge and wisdom. So if they criticize and disapprove, they must be right–right? Depending on our age, we may not be developed enough to know to question authority figures and take their criticism at face value. Examples may be teachers, school administrators, religious leaders, law enforcement figures, community leaders, etc. 

• Academic and/or career challenges

The challenges that come up in school/academia and in our careers can set the stage for our beliefs in what we can accomplish and resolve–or not. This can be especially complicated if we are set back a grade, fired, let-go, or any other situation that leads to questioning ourselves. 

• Social and cultural expectations

Our particular social and cultural environments play a role in shaping our self view. Some cultures place value in the way our bodies should look or accomplishments should be (amongst other things). And society may uphold those expectations–in person and through media. This varies between cultures and social environments but has an impact on our self esteem nonetheless. 

What can help increase our self-esteem / confidence? 

Self-esteem therapy (also known as confidence therapy) can help you address what causes have impacted your self-esteem/confidence, explore triggers you’ve developed, and learn ways to cope and process in order to transform your insecurities and connect to your grounded, confident self. Therapy is not the end-all, be-all of healing—but it can help you speed up the process of confronting self-esteem issues and arrive at the confidence you want.

If you are interested in beginning services to address self-esteem and confidence, reach out to us at hello@belongingcounselingtx.com.